Doing Nothing

Well, today was an interesting day. Let's start from the beginning.
Keelia and I got up and started to lazily have breakfast. My sister called and invited us to the Santa Parade at Park Meadows Mall. We went last year and it was pretty great for kids. So we hurried and got dressed so we could go with them. Matt, Jeff, Hunter, and my dad went to empty my grandma Lola's storage unit and put it all into my parent's garage. So Jen and Will came too, so they came with us to the parade. Kinda last minute, but it was pretty fun. We got to see Santa ride in on a fire truck, got to dance to some music, got free hot chocolate, and got candy. What more can you ask for, really? Here is a picture of Keelia and I enjoying ourselves at the parade.


When we got back from the parade, all of grandma's stuff was in the garage. So we started organizing it for her. That took up most of the day. But it was nice to be able to help grandma and be with family. I love to spend time with my family.
Then we had dinner and then I started to clean. I tend to forget my problems when I clean, so I figured why not?! Plus the house needed it. :) (I still need to go finish the kitchen, but I wanted to blog and take a break.)
So after I cleaned, I came up and started getting Keelia ready for bed. Because of all the excitement today, she didn't get a nap. So after her bath and getting her all ready for bed, she laid down on the floor to watch Dora for a minute, and passed out. That NEVER happens. She never falls asleep to the TV. But it was awesome. I didn't have to do anything but move her to her bed and turn off the lights. One thing that was easier than I expected. Which is nice.
Tomorrow we are having a big stake meeting. I'm pretty sure we are getting new boundaries and such, but I have no real idea. That is just my speculation. It should be a pretty emotional meeting. I am excited to see what happens. For those of you on the edge of your seat, I will let you know what happens.
And the reason for the title....we are doing nothing to combat our infertility this month. And it feels very strange. It is definitely not by choice, but for lack of choice. I almost feel like we have given up. My new cycle started and I just wanted more than anything to have something to do, to be proactive. But we have missed our window of opportunity and as much as I wished that some how something would just work out, it didn't. No medicines, except the Metformin, no ultrasounds, nothing. I have very mixed emotions about it. And I am quite nervous for us. As I said, I feel like we have given into the infertility with our lack of action. And giving up is so easy. So I am worried what the next few months will bring and what we will do. Resources aren't just going to appear out of nowhere, and my body is going to get used to being off all the meds and stuff. And sadly, my body just doesn't work without help. I just don't want to go back to where I was eleven months ago, where my body wouldn't even start it's own cycles, and all the stuff. We have just come SO far, too far to go back. But, at the same time, we don't have a choice. So if back is where we are headed, we can't do anything about it. All we can do is hope and pray that something works out for our little family. This is never how I pictured things. And I know I am not alone. But that doesn't change the fact that this is the hardest thing I have ever been through. And I have been through some real doozies in the past, believe me. I just hope that I can continue to be strong and to just be happy where I am.
Keelia is one of my greatest blessings. She is pretty much my whole life, and I am so happy that I have her. Everyone thinks their kid is the best, but mine really is. Sorry everyone else. It's true.
Well, I should go finish the kitchen. Sorry about my ramblings. But the good news is that if you don't like it, you don't have to read it. And if you don't like it, I prefer you don't read. But I appreciate all of you who do. :)