Will's Birthday And Other Ramblings

Last night we all got to celebrate Will's first birthday! It was a lot of fun. And he did really well, I think. For more on his birthday celebration, visit Jen's blog. It was good to have most of the family there to celebrate. Will is such a sweet guy and I can't believe he is already one! Crazy how time flies!
Today was another day. I got really sad for a couple hours tonight. It seems to be happening a lot more often than I would like. I don't want to be sad. I have so much to be thankful for and I am a mom to the (best, in my opinion) little girl! We have our health (except for whatever may or may not be going on inside my body), we have a house (which may not be ours, but it is shelter), and we always have food (which is evident by my massive weight problem!) But I can't help the ache in my heart to raise a big family. (I know I sound like a broken record, but if I don't get it out, then it eats me alive. Plus, this is MY blog. If you don't like it, don't read it.)
And as this, my seventh and final, month of Clomid rolls along, I can't help but feel that I have wasted seven months of time! Let me explain. This month, I started tracking my basal temperature every morning. And it is supposed to rise when/if you ovulate. Well, my doctor told me he thinks I ovulate around day 15 (which was yesterday) and there still has been no change in my temperature, except some slight drops here and there. This month I am also doing OPK (ovulation predictor kit) and so far, I have gotten lots of negatives. I figure, after seven months of being on this stupid medicine, if it is going to help me, then it should be helping me. My fear is that even though my progesterone levels come back high enough every month, that I am not ovulating. But because of what my doctor has told me, I have been getting false hopes every month, when in fact, my body has not been ovulating. And without ovulation, there can't be a baby. If my temperature doesn't rise by Tuesday (a week from today, when I get my blood work done) and my progesterone levels come back high enough, then I will know that I did not ovulate and that I probably have not been ovulating at all, this whole time. And I am not blaming my doctor, per se, but I wish I would have seen a specialist sooner. Now it is just a countdown of days until I get to my next step. The 15th can't come fast enough. Unless of course, I get a spike in my temperature, and the stars align, and I am lucky enough to conceive. But I am not betting that way.
Well, I am tired, so bed is the logical solution. Or drowning my sorrows in a few hours of "One Tree Hill." I think the latter will win out.