Friday Eve

Yesterday we had Hadlee's doctor appointment. She gained 8 ounces in one week, meaning she weighed in at 12 pounds, 10 ounces. I was thrilled. However, her doctor of course, encouraged me to keep breastfeeding and formula feeding. Turns out I am selfish and don't want to do that because it is hard. So we are doing strictly bottle feeding from here on out. She also eats her pears every once in a while. But regardless, she is gaining weight which is good news. And I think that means we are in the clear with the whole surgery mess. I won't know for sure until the 22nd, but I have a feeling we are headed in the right direction. Thank goodness!
And so much for not being in pain!! Quitting breastfeeding is like the worst pain ever. I'm 48 hours in and wonder if it is ever going to stop hurting. I know things always end up being fine, but man oh man, it is painful at the moment.
I am getting over the guilt of "giving up" breastfeeding pretty quickly. I know that formula is a better choice for this little one, like it was for Keelia. Makes me think I won't even try breastfeeding with future children. But who knows. Future children are a long way off.
Last night we watched "Life As We Know It." Finally. It was super cute. I totally recommend it. It even made me cry. But that could have been partially because I was already pretty emotional. Either way, it was a good movie.
I have been thinking a lot lately about happiness. I think, overall, I am a pretty happy person. (You can agree or disagree. I don't care. That's not really the point...) Granted, I have days that I feel less than happy. One thing I know is that my happiness depends on me and it is my choice. But that doesn't mean that it can't be affected by other people. And because of who I am, I often let other people's actions affect my happiness. I so wish that I could change that. I wish I was one of those people that could be happy no matter what was going on and no matter how other's might act towards them. Maybe someday...
That leads me to my next thought, which is, I am pretty sure that I expect too much from people. Hence, me being unhappy because of other people's actions. I had a great conversation with my aunt and uncle last week where I was reminded to look for the good in people. No matter (within reason) what 'bad' maybe taking place, to always look for the good, because it is there and you can find it. I just wish it wasn't so hard to do. And I find myself expecting others to think and act like me. And the reality is, they don't. And very few people do things the way that I do them. But that doesn't make the way they do things wrong, just different. Again, I wish it wasn't so hard to remember when dealing with other people. I always find myself wishing that people did more. I feel, in most instances, that I would go out of my way to most anything for anyone. Again within reason. But often times, I don't feel that I am being treated the same way. Which then leads to frustration and less happiness. And I don't want to be caught in this cycle any longer. So I just keep telling myself that people are doing the best that they can do. Sorry. I kind of babbled on longer than I wanted to.